On My 34th Birthday--I Will Praise Him and Stand for Him in the Midst of the Storm

Wow.  It has been a long time since I have written on my blog post.  Since summer really.  There really has not been anything of great substance that God has laid on my heart until recently to write about.  Today's blog post begs to be written and I pray that God gives me the grace, wisdom and words to speak the truth of my journey in a way that honors and glorifies the One Who gave me life.

Today I celebrate 34 years of life given to me by My Heavenly Father.  He has placed me here on the earth for His purpose and His calling.  He has given me life to praise and glorify Him with the very breath that He daily gives me.  Granted some days and moments I do better at that than others in my earthly frame.  The last month and half have been difficult for me as I have struggled with my health.  I have had periods of losing vision, severe headaches, back pain, neck pain, blurred vision, inability to read, light headedness, weakness, and I feel that the list could continue.  We are still in the process of trying to figure out the reason why for all of the above.  I would be lying if I were to say that these things were not scary.  However, I can truthfully say that I am at peace with the health situations knowing that God is in control. 

It is at times like these as a Christian that many people begin to ask questions of you.  To be honest, I have felt so sick at times that I have not always known if I have answered in the proper way.  Such questions/comments as, "Where is your God now?"  "Do you still believe in Him?"  "You must have done something to make God angry." Why is your God not answering you?" 

Since I was a kid one of my favorite Bible lessons has been that of little David fighting the giant Goliath.  As I got older into adulthood, the part of Scripture that appealed to me the most, and I always teach to my little ones as a Bible teacher is I Samuel 17:26b where little David's reasoning for fighting the giant when no one else would was that Goliath should not be able to defy God.  David stood for God so that Goliath's smash talk against God could stop and the honor of God could be held in the honor that it deserved.  WOW!

I am a far cry from David and most people have been supportive of me.  However, I have had questions as the above.  I wish to take some short time to honor and stand for God in the midst of my Goliath right now. 

Where is God?  He has been here the whole time.  His timing is perfect.  He got me into appointments at earlier times with doctors that were closed to get into.  He has provided friends, family, cards, messages, comfort, insurance coverage, and much more at times that were PERFECT.

You must have done something to make God angry.  Every day I fail my great and wonderful God by sinning against Him.  However, Christ my Savior died as a sacrifice for my sin once for all.  He paid the punishment and the debt that I owe.  He was buried and rose again.  He lives forevermore.  I am forgiven and loved in grace and mercy.  While yes God as my Heavenly Father does discipline and correct me as His child and has many ways and forms to do so, this health condition is not a result of unconfessed sin in my life or a display of the anger of God toward me.

Instead God can use trial situations to help grow and teach the life of the believer new and interesting things to help make them more useful and stronger.  This is an added plus.  Things that can only be learned in the hard and difficult times.  For instance.  Here are some things that I have learned.
1) God is teaching me how to wear His Spirit of grace and kindness EVEN WHEN I AM IN PAIN TO OTHERS AROUND ME
2) God is teaching me that I need to give up control.  I can't be all things to all people.  I have had to say no to some things just to rest for me. 
3) God is teaching me how to prioritize my ministry and extra activities
4) God is teaching me to appreciate His blessing in the small stuff that is really big stuff. 
5) God is teaching me what it truly mean to trust Him for my DAILY bread.  One day at a time.

Do I believe Him?  Do I trust Him?  Yes.  It may not be the way I envisioned it.  But it is the way He has planned it for me.  He is in complete control.  Even though I don't understand it all.  I will praise Him and I will trust Him.  Even though right now to praise Him in song hurts my physical head there is song within my heart of praise. 

It Takes a Team--Whatsoever Ye Do, Do It Heartily Unto the Lord

As a teacher of 7th graders, I spend much time teaching each class period my most important classroom philosophy--"We Are A TEAM."  That means that if every person from teacher to students in the room does their part, then class will flow smoothly, all will be happier, and more will be achieved.  That means we all have the power to join together and help one another or we have the power to selfishly think only of ourselves and destroy each other.  Truly in a team, what affects one, affects all.  The attitudes and behaviors that each bring into the room affect everyone either positively or negatively.  In a team, one person or one job is not any better or greater than another.  Each job responsibility works together to achieve the ultimate goal.

One needs to look no further than 1 Corinthians chapter 12, to know that the heart and working of the Lord follows the same teaching about His children being a TEAM.  As Paul teaches His Word to the Corinthians, it is clear that the Lord states that we are one body in Christ.  However, He gifts us all differently so that when we are put together we can each use the spiritual gifts and talents that He has given us to accomplish His work as a team.  One gift or talent is not better than another.  We are to be content with the abilities that He has given us and not covet the gifts of others.  If we all had the same gift, how boring that would be, and much of His work would not be done.  We are to complement each other well for His ultimate glory.  We are to serve Him and others with a happy, servant's heart wherever we are and in whatever He has called us to do.  There is no job too big or too small that cannot be accomplished for Him with His gifting and the right heart when His people as one body work together.  This is the essence and heart of ministry. (1 Corinthians 10:31, Colossians 3:17)

This is another lesson that I was truly reminded of in vivid detail while in Hungary.  What does it take to keep a Christian camp up and running?  The answer is a TEAM of believers using their gifts and talents for Him.  Counselors, technology crew, food service, teachers, lifeguards, English teachers, Soccer coaches, translators, music ministry, Baseball coaches, games coordinators, grounds keepers, Basketball coaches, video crew, puppet and drama teams, construction crew, nurses, prayer and financial supporters for those that are serving, and countless other ministries that I am probably even forgetting (but not on purpose) all joined together for the cause of Christ, to reach the campers to come to Jesus as Savior and grow in Him.  It takes a TEAM.  The same is true with any ministry outreach and local church.  It's every member using their gifts, doing their part, for the cause of Christ.

I had the blessing and the pleasure of meeting many people while in Hungary.  Some of the greatest blessings were hearing the stories of God and His work in the testimonies and life stories of others. One special servant of the Lord truly captured my heart.  He worked in the cafeteria, serving food daily with a smile.  He made sure that everyone was happy and had enough.  For 3 meals a day, he made sure that I was delivered a meal that met my dietary needs of gluten free.  He did much to bless my heart in his service.  I did not know much about him until the big picnic dinner on the soccer field when I had a chance to talk to him more in depth.  He told both my teaching partner and I in separate conversations some of his testimony.  He was a student at the Bible Institute in Hungary.  He loved the classes and learning.  However, he felt that he was not good at many things like teaching and preaching and other ministries.  However, there is one thing that he could do.  He could serve the food with a smile.  He could make people happy in serving the food.  He could serve the Lord by serving the food to others.  In serving the food, he was able to help people learn about Jesus, even if he could not be a teacher or counselor like others to tell them.  He was happy that this was something that God gave him to do.  He had a place to serve and he had gratitude for being able to serve in that way.  My typed words do not give his story the merit that they deserve.  You just have to see him tell it and see the smile on his face for it to have the greatest impact.  My heart was overjoyed for him and humbled in hearing his story.  What a heart of service that he possessed for the Lord.  On Friday, my teaching partner and I taught our English class campers a unit on food.  My teaching partner had him tell our campers how he uses food to serve the Lord and others.  What an awesome idea!

 

Jesus often sent His followers off to teach others about Him in twos.  I personally believe that there is many reasons for that He chose to pair them up and send them out.  First, I believe that it made for a system of accountability so that they each could look after each other in their spiritual walk with Him.  Secondly, I believe that it was so that they could support each other to keep going through the ups and downs of ministry.  In my life, I have been blessed to have my BFF as the most wonderful ministry partner of all.  She has helped me stay accountable to the Lord and His ministry.  She has helped me with the ups and downs of ministry as well, encouraging me not to give up.  More than anything her gentle spirit and true heart of selflessness has taught me so much and I truly could stand to learn even more from her.  Together we came up with the idea of crocheting Hungarian flag colored bookmarks for the campers in Hungary.  She was so excited about the idea because she was not able to come to Hungary with me.  She viewed this project as her way of serving the Lord and the children of Hungary.  She served with a smile and even retaught me how to crochet because I had not crocheted for years.  The first thing she wanted to know upon my return home from Hungary was if the campers liked the bookmarks.  I told her that they did, though they used them as bracelets and headbands, which is okay.  Regardless, the campers loved them and she served them with a happy heart from West Virginia.  She was more than excited to hear that they liked them.

 

The phrase, "BLOOM WHERE YOU'RE PLANTED" truly fits here in this blog post.  Wherever God has us and whatever we are doing, we can serve Him in the big and the small.  How?  It is all about the attitude of the heart and stepping up into action.  Do we view everything that we do as a way to serve Him and show Him to others?  Do we do these everyday things with a happy heart of love and service for the Lord and others or do we murmur and complain while doing them?  I personally could stand to do a better job at seeing every opportunity, every day, as a means of service.  I personally could stand to do a better job at serving in a selfless motive for the Lord and others and not living my day selfishly thinking about myself.  I have been growing in these areas but there still is much for me to learn and apply here.  It is all about having an eternal perspective versus a temporal one.  The things that last are the things that we do for God and others with a pure motive of service.  Lord, help me live with an eternal perspective in mind.

 

I leave you with a timely quote that I found this week, "So do your everyday and your ordinary.  Godliness is found and formed in those places.  No man or woman greatly used by God has escaped them.  Great men and women of God have transformed the mundane, turning neighborhoods into mission fields, parenting into launching the next generation of God's voices, legal work into loving those most hurting, waiting tables into serving and loving in such a way that people see our God."  Jennie Allen

 

 

The Beautiful Lights of Budapest and Matthew 5:16

When I was just a little girl in second grade, I began to ride the church bus to attend church.  I loved riding the church bus.  I loved church.  I loved hearing about God, Jesus, and the Bible.  The best thing about the church bus was that we used to sing all the way to church and all the way home.  Anyone who knows this gal knows that I love to sing.  Our youth pastor used musical singing to keep us calm, keep us praising, and to teach us many things about the Lord before we even got to church.  I asked Jesus into my heart, as the only means of salvation from my sin, as a second grader too.  He forever changed my heart and life the day I accepted Him in ways that I couldn't even have imagined at that time.  If you were to ask me what my favorite song was as a newly saved second grader, I would have told you, "This Little Light of Mine."  I would sing that song daily over and over again until I probably made my parents and those around me annoyed.  While I loved the song, it hit me as an upper elementary school student that I truly did not understand the meaning of the song.  I even remember asking more than one Christian adult/teacher in my life, "Why is this a Christian song?  What does it mean?"  They told me the truth that Jesus was like a light inside of a believer and that His Spirit helps us to shine like a bright light for Him.  Their answers satisfied my questioning heart, but honestly I truly didn't fully understand the "Jesus being the light inside of me" concept.

It wasn't until my upper middle school, beginning teen years that God showed me and enlightened my heart to what "This Little Light of Mine" meant and was all about.  I read Matthew 5:14-16 over and over and over again with such joyous excitement as it was being taught in church.  The LIGHT BULB came on so to speak in my heart, soul, and mind!  I GOT IT!  When God looks at people, He truly sees only two kinds of people 1) those who have Jesus as the their Savior and 2) those who are lost without having Jesus as their Savior.  Those without Jesus are living blinded in the darkness of the world and in the darkness of sin.  What a scary way to live.  I personally hate the dark and must even sleep at night with some sort of light for personal comfort.  Those who have Christ as their Savior have the Holy Spirit's light inside as Jesus is the Light of the World.  The perfect Light of the World overcomes the power of our sin and exposes our sin as light and darkness can't mix.  The perfect Light of the World and His Word light our path and direct our steps in His ways.  The Christian is living among the darkness of this world.  However, the Christian is not of this world.  The Christian is to not to hide the light of Christ within them and blend into the dark, sinful, disobedient ways of the world.  Rather the Christian is be an example (though imperfect), following His ways before the darkened world so that others may see the light of Christ in them and be drawn to want to know personally the true Light of the World.  We are to live to draw others to Him.  We are to live so that others see us and glorify Him, and not ourselves.  We can only do this as we rely on the Spirit's power to live out the Christian life.  When we submit to Him, we resist the influence of the world that is composed with the lusts of the flesh, the lusts of the eyes, and the pride of life.  When we submit to Him we are like a light on a hill drawing people to the Savior. 

After this LIGHT BULB moment in church, Matthew 5:16 has always had a place in my heart to the point that I claim it as my theme verse:  "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven." 

My time in Hungary reminds me much of Matthew 5:16.  In the Saturday between the two weeks of camp, I went sightseeing with a missionary from Hungary and two other English teachers working in the camp.  I greatly enjoyed the day touring Budapest and all of its main attractions.  However, I was greatly looking forward to the dinner cruise that night on the Danube.  Even though I am not a big outside person, I love water, nature, and the beauty of His creation.  Budapest is such a wonderful city, filled with beautiful architecture and nature.  I had seen the city by day, but we all waited in anticipation for 9 PM to come so that we could see the lights that light up the government buildings, landmarks, and bridges by night.  What a sight that it was indeed (pictured below).

 No picture that I took or that I have seen taken can give the lights at night in the city justice.  Even more amazing was to go after the dinner cruise to a high point at the Citadella in which one can look down and see the full affect of the lighted city.  As I snapped a picture as my phone camera was about to die, I couldn't help but to fully go to my theme verse of Matthew 5:16.  At that point in time the sky was pitch black darkness, but the city and all the landmarks that I had be taught about were alive, visible, and beautiful.  There was no hiding them.  (Below is a travel site picture in daylight and my not so clear picture of the night--the travel site picture at night at the very top of the post is better)

What a great reminder of who His children are to be--shining lights, radiating His light, in the middle of the darkness of this world, for His honor and glory.

Father, I am truly Your imperfect child.  However, help me to live by my theme verse.  Help me to shine Your light before the world.  Help me to represent You, my Father well.  Help me to shine in a way that gives You honor and glory, and not myself.  Help others to be drawn to You and not away from You because of the life that I live.  I want to let my light, the light of Your Spirit, shine within and without. 

Effective Ministry Comes Through Unity of Spirit--Father, Make Us and Keep Us One!

I always read John 17 in such wonder and amazement.  Christ is soon to face the most cruel, undeserved for Himself (as He is holy perfection), death due to bearing the full weight of sin for sinful mankind.  He will go through this in order to bring all those who will trust in Him eternal forgiveness and cleansing from sin.  In these last times before His death, burial, and resurrection, Jesus does not think upon Himself, but turns His attention to caring for His disciples.  He explains to them what is going to happen, though they fully don't understand it all.  He also prays not only for them, but for every believer to come from that point on to eternity.  WHAT A WONDERFUL SAVIOR. 

What does He pray?  He prays that we would believe in Him as the Son of God that He is in truth.  He prays that we would be sanctified in His Truth.  He prays that we would be in the world, but yet separate from the world, for the glory of God.  And over and over and over He prays that we would be UNITED--to be one in the body of Christ, for the cause of Christ, just as He and His Father and the Spirit are the Great Three in One in perfect unity.  WHAT A WONDERFUL PRAYER.  Thank You, Lord, for taking the time to pray for us and to pray for the things that truly matter for Your kingdom.

I do not find it a coincidence that upon my return from Hungary that my first assigned Sunday School lesson to teach to my first grade Sunday School students was about John 17.  It was timed in His control. It was a lesson of reflection and praise from my missions trip.  Isn't it amazing how God sends the right passage of Scripture to our hearts at the right moment of time for the greatest good!

If Christ's great prayer for us dealt with the importance of Christian unity, then we each need to make this a prayer for ourselves.  We need to pray for unity in the ministries in which we are involved.  We need to pray for unity within our church congregation body.  We need to pray for unity of all believers all around the world.  We all live in a sinful world.  We all are composed of human flesh.  Within all believers there is constant spiritual warfare that is ongoing.  One of the enemy's greatest methods of attack is knock the believer's goal off of productive causes of Christ, by attacking Christian unity, causing even the best and well intentioned believers to battle against one another instead of standing/working for Christ.  The enemy is not dumb.  He is a destroyer seeking whom he may devour.  Our greatest weapons of defense are what Christ did and mentioned.  What are they?  1) The truth of the Word 2) Prayer

While in Hungary and even months before, my biggest prayer was that of unity.  I prayed that the staff which came from all over the world, but had Christ within, would walk in Christian unity.  I asked in prayer calendars, conversation, and emails that others pray for the same thing.  Christian unity in the Spirit is a must in any work of the Lord that is worth being accomplished.  Anyone who has read my blog knows that there was a very small moment in time (a day and a half in week 2) where for me Christian unity was attacked.  I struggled knowing that I was part of the attack and my sinful heart gave into the attack momentarily.  However, there are two things that Christ has given me such peace about over the last week 1) In the midst of the attack, I (along with others) did what we were suppose to do.  We fought the battle of heart and action with the two most powerful weapons of all--His Word and prayer--prayer for unity and prayer for a changed heart within me 2) Praise God.  He was and always is victorious, especially when we pray for the right things for the right reasons.  The power of Christ within us is greater than anything the enemy throws our way.

With a new perspective, there are a few pictures from my trip that are now EXTRA special to me because they show and prove the victory of Almighty God.  To Him be the glory.  I would like to share the pictures and the praise. 

This activity in our English class my second week is my favorite activity out of the two weeks.  It was a human board game.  Each camper rolled a die and moved themselves along the board.  Once they got to their place on the board, they had to say in English the color of the game piece and symbol (whether number, letter, or shape).  This game was a favorite of our campers.  This game came about because of the answered prayer for Christian unity.  I found an activity online called Spin the Bottle.  No!  Not what you are thinking.  You make a circular game board with colors on one side and shapes on the other.  A person spins the bottle.  One part of the bottle will land on a color and the other will land on a shape.  The person spinning must then state the color and shape.  This seemed to be a great activity that I found, but it was too hard to accomplish making a circular board.  My teaching partner had the idea of making the board as you see pictured above with construction paper, linear, and with symbols listed on the construction paper (not only shapes, but numbers and letters too).  Praise God in Christian unity of combining two ideas together.  We created a fun lesson activity that helped with teaching English, but made for a fun time for them to open their hearts for the invitation given that night.

We called this activity, "Pass Around Alphabet."  Another lesson accomplished from prayer for Christian unity.  I thought of an activity kinda like hot potato where the students would pass a ball while stating the alphabet, but struggled at where to take it from there.  The thought lacked a true accomplished focus.  My teaching partner used my thought and came up with the idea of having the students pass the ball over and under while stating the alphabet in order.  The kids loved it.  Praise God for another activity composed in Christian unity on Wednesday morning.  Of course there are more but these stick out the most.

Father, make us one to accomplish Your divine work.  Keep us loving one another, working together, and progressing forward for the goal.  Your Spirit within us is the power to keep us united and marching to one beat--which is the beat of Your heart.

Wisdom and Supernatural Invention for the Asking--Ask and Ye Shall Receive.

James 1:5 has been such an incredible and amazing verse of promise for my heart over the last few months especially.  It states that if we lack wisdom (and yes as fallible humans we most definitely lack His infinite, all-knowing wisdom), that we are to ASK Him for wisdom.  In turn, He promises in this Scripture to give us wisdom freely and abundantly for the ASKING.  The key seems to be the asking part.  He is waiting for His children to humbly say, "I can't do this without You, Father." "I am not smart enough on my own, Father." "Help me by giving me Your Wisdom, Father."  He is delighted when His children ASK and SAY these things in prayer, especially when the reasoning is for His glory and the good of serving Him and others honorably.  I just can't help but to recall how pleased that God was when Solomon's request of Him was for wisdom and an understanding heart to lead the people that God called Him to lead.  God not only blessed him with wisdom, but much more in material and leadership blessings than one could ever imagine. 

So often in my life I try to do it on my own.  So often in my life I fail to ask for the wisdom and strength of my Almighty Father.  However, in the last few years, I have truly learned the beauty and humility of asking Him for His strength and wisdom for the tasks that He gives me to accomplish.  It is all about Him and I truly am nothing without Him.  Anything worth doing for Him requires resting in the power of His Spirit alone to take control.  When we allow ourselves to get out of the way and let the Spirit lead, there is no end to what He can accomplish in us and through us.  I certainly am not completely there, but I continue to pray that I will truly live in God sufficiency and not self sufficiency.  I am thankful for the lessons that He is teaching me and the things that He has lead me to do in which I must rely on Him alone, for I do not have the skill needed, but He does.  I love God's creative ways to answer prayer.  God sufficiency is only seen in God sized tasks in which all human wisdom must be abandoned.  Afterward, there is no doubt Who gets the credit, but God alone. 

My second favorite story to take home from Hungary deals with these topics of asking for and receiving His wisdom in order to accomplish a task in God sufficiency where self sufficiency most assuredly fails.  Here it goes...

Any teacher knows that in every class, no matter how big or small the numbers, there is always that one kid that just doesn't seem to be into it so to speak.  They don't want to participate.  They don't seem happy being in class.  That student may even change from day to day.  However, any teacher also knows that just one student with that attitude can be toxic to a classroom dynamic.  My time teaching His fearfully and wonderfully made creation of Hungarian children was no exception to this rule.  In my first group of campers, my co teacher and I had one child that fit this description.  Her name was Angela.  In the picture above she is the girl beside me in the red, name tag in mouth.  Even through the language barrier I could appreciate the special creation of God that He made her in heart and personality.  She was a little older than some in our group and knew more than she wanted to use for class.  She wanted to belong, participate, and still be "cool."  She had a great smile and zany sense of humor.  However, it took everything within us to get her to relax and show it.  My teaching partner and I longed for her to participate and have fun while participating.  We spent time talking about this issue in our planning times.  We tried to pull "tricks" from all our years and experience of teaching.  Then I realized on Tuesday after our third class that while I asked God's help in leading and teaching these little ones, I had not prayed to Him for help and wisdom specifically for this child and this issue.  I spent time praying to Him about this specifically asking for His help.  In talking to my teaching partner later, she was doing the same.  And God keeps His promises as He is faithful.  It still amazes me.

We started class on Wednesday in our normally format of introduction conversations such as "Hello.  Good Morning.  My name is ___________.  I am ____________years old."  We then went to a movement activity that we called "Circle Time" in which we got the children up and moving using English directions such as "Hop 3 times, Clap two times, Turn around one time, Sit down, Stand up."  Every class we added an additional movement to the routine.  We had always as teachers been the ones to say the directions while the campers said them with us while also doing the movements.  That morning, God's wisdom came for us, our group, and for Angela.  Out of the blue, with no prior thinking, my teaching partner asked Angela to be the leader of the "Circle Time."  At first she was not willing.  However after a little prompting from my teaching partner and I, she did it.  Not only did she do it, but with a smile on her face as the rest of the campers in our group looked to her in affirmation and respect.  That was the one need of her heart that she really wanted.  Then one by one, all the other campers wanted a turn to be the leaders of "Circle Time."  That meant that we did it 10 times.  However, all were having fun and participating and speaking directions in English.  Angela was smiling.  She got to do it first. :-)

I took time after class to speak to my teaching partner at what a wonderful thing that she had done.  I thought that she had planned it out that way as she was lead teacher for that part of our lesson time.  However, it was then that we both fully recognized the intervention of Almighty God in answering prayer as she stated that she did not have it planned and God just took over to have those words come out.  Isn't He amazing.  We both celebrated and thanked Him for this answer and His wisdom.  We even got to publicly announce His praise for this before our English department group and all staff at a fellowship meeting.  To Him Be the Glory.  He does amazing things when we ask with a proper motive within His will.  He does amazing things when we step back, get out of the way, and let Him take the lead.  We asked, we received, and our joy was indeed full.

That afternoon in our second class of the day, Angela participated well in our alphabet relay.  You can't see her face, because she is participating.  Praise God!

Father, may You continue to show me how to rely on Your strength, Your wisdom, and the filling our Your Spirit for the tasks You give me.  It's not about me, it is all about You.  Help me to keep You as the center of it all which in this human heart is easier said than done for me to remember.

From The Heart of a Child--Let the Children Come Unto Him

Ministry for the cause of Christ with any age group is always a blessing.  However, I love ministry with children, especially.  The heart and faith of children are priceless.  They love and share openly and honestly asking for little in return but a caring adult to share their heart, life, and love.  Jesus loved the little children and asked that they not be hindered in coming to Him.  He was not too busy for them in His ministry.  He stated that if one is to come to know Him as Savior that they must come with the trusting faith of a child.  We are warned in Scripture to not be a stumbling block for children, but instead to teach them about Him in every activity of life and show them His ways.

Pictured above is me with my first English class at a Christian summer camp in Hungary (one camper is not pictured as she injured her knee).  I have taught children in multiple settings for close to 20 years, but this group is very special to my heart as this was my first experience serving on an international missions trip. 

While each of these children are special to my heart, from day one of teaching one child captured my heart from the moment I said "Hello. Good morning.  My name is Jennifer."  Her name was Karmen.  She is three from the right in the picture above (white shirt, purple jacket, and pink pants).  Karmen always came to class with a smile, a hug, a hello, and many questions.  I was nervous to teach English to children who spoke mainly Hungarian, as I knew little Hungarian.  I was told by my director not to worry as one to two children would step up and play the role of translator within my group to help me out.  Guess who did that for me on day one?  That is right, Karmen.  She showed genuine concern for every person, adult or child in our group. 

Camp is centered around evangelist outreach in order for children to come hear of how they can accept the free gift of Christ's death, burial, and resurrection for payment for their sins and have an eternal home in heaven.  Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday nights are big nights of sharing the gospel at evening meeting time.  Tuesday is the big public invitation night.  I prayed for my campers to listen, understand, and accept Christ if they had not already done so in their lives.  That night 5 out of my 9 campers came forward to accept Christ.  Praise God.  Karmen was one of them.  Super Duper Praise to my heart.

Wednesday morning during class, my teaching partner and I asked the children who went forward and if anyone wanted to share about accepting Christ.  Karmen raised her hand.  I thought she wanted to share about herself.  But I was wrong.  I am trying to hold back the tears typing what she wanted to share.  She didn't want to share about herself.  Her question in broken English was "What about you?"  She asked with such urgency.  She asked with such care and concern in her eyes and face.  I can still picture it vividly.  She had just accepted Christ the night before and her greatest concern on her heart was that her two camp English teachers knew Christ too.  WOW!  What a humbling thought.  Is there any wonder that Jesus said what He did about the heart and faith of a child?  My teaching partner and I were able to communicate using as little English words as possible for clarity through a language barrier that YES we both knew Christ.  I accepted Him as a second grader and my teaching partner as a teenager.  We explained that we were at camp teaching English because we knew Christ and we wanted each of them to hear about Him and know Him too.  Karmen then smiled the biggest smile that I had ever seen from her (and remember she was always smiling).  She was happy because we too knew Christ and she understood the heart of the ministry of why we were there.

Karmen continued to come to class with a smile, hugs, helpful translation, a loving heart, and ready to learn English and about the Lord.  On Thursday night Karmen (pictured above) came forward to give her testimony.  As she spoke in Hungarian, it was translated into English for me to hear fully her shared heart.  She grew up in a Christian family, but realized that Tuesday night that it was not enough to get to heaven on her parent's salvation.  She needed to make it personal for her.  She said that "Jesus filled the empty place in her heart and it is no longer empty.  Jesus is there.  He is inside."  Praise God.

I am still in awe of this new sister in Christ.  Still humbled that she cared enough to be an evangelist to me in less than 24 hours of her salvation even through a language barrier.  This makes any excuse that I could ever give for not sharing the gospel to those around me invalid.  Still amazed at her strength to publicly speak at the age of 12 of her testimony of Christ before others.  Praying for what the Lord has in His plan for her.  If you are reading this, she could use your prayers too. 

Most certainly the heart of child is a blessed thing.  Ministry to children is most definitely a blessing.  With one child in one week I received much more than I gave.  Let the children come unto Him and may we together impact the next generation for Christ. 

Welcome To The Elijah Complex Mixed With a Bad Case of Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda...

My devotional time has been spent the last few days on such an incredible man of God, Elijah.  He was brought on to the scene by God during a time at which wicked King Ahab and his wife, Jezebel, had done much to lead the people of God away from Him and into the worship of false gods, mainly Baal.  Elijah delivers the message that there would be no rain until he is given the word from God.  Elijah has to flee for his life after delivering the message to be fed by God by the ravens.  Elijah was then fed by a widow woman who gives Elijah the last oil and flour made meal that she had for her and her son.  In providing for the man of God first, the widow who was down to nothing sees God provide her needs as her flour and oil never go dry.  Elijah in strength and courage stands against King Ahab and the false prophets of Baal and for the Lord as he prays openly for God to call down fire from heaven upon a soaked altar.  God who alone controls the rain and the fire sets Elijah's altar ablaze so that the people of God return to Him.  The prophets of Baal do not get an answer from Baal for all their efforts of yelling, pleading, and cutting themselves.  The false prophets of Baal are slain.  Elijah prays persistently in belief for rain as God had said.  He prays silently with faith and anticipation.  Jezebel hearing of the prophets of Baal's deaths threatens Elijah with the same. 
Elijah has done much for the name and sake of the Lord and has been greatly used by Him.  However, he is exhausted in more ways than one.  What does he do?  He flees to a juniper tree.  He feels falsely as if he is the only faithful servant of the Lord left.  He even tells God that he wishes to just plain die.  Sounds odd for the man of God who stood so bravely and with such courage.  However, I am so very glad that this truthful account is included in Scripture.  In fact the Scriptures are full of people who were ordinary and sinful, but God loved and used greatly despite themselves.  Peter and King David always come to my mind first.  Peter was greatly used of God after he was reinstated after his denial of knowing Christ.  Though King David sinned greatly, God told every other King that they and the people of God would be blessed if they would rule with the heart and leadership of King David.
This morning I knew that the Elijah complex of his depression after doing such great things for God was coming.  It took everything that I had to read it, for this gal in the last few days at times has most certainly been there in 3 days of being home from an international missions trip to Hungary.  However, also part of me was so relieved to read his account to know that I am and have not been alone.
After spending 16 days traveling to, serving as an English instructor at camp in, and traveling from Hungary, I have many exciting and praiseworthy stories of God, His work, His provision, and His people.  It was such a time of growth personally, spiritually, and in ministry.  I was blessed after a 3 year wait in God's timing for many important reasons to be given the opportunity to go and serve this summer so that campers may hear the gospel and have a chance to turn to Him in eternal saving grace.  That is exciting.  I left with a big piece of my heart still there as a country that already meant much to my heart grew an even bigger place of my heart.  It is amazing how God works.  I hope someday to be given a chance to return and when asked if I would make the trip again, the answer is an astounding YES.  When asked if I am glad to be back home the truthful answer is both yes and no. 
Where is the Elijah complex?  Maybe not quite the same way as Elijah, but my Elijah complex came in the middle of my time of serving in Hungary.  Of all the wonderful times and stories, my heart also is stuck on a not so great day and a half in my Elijah complex that has honestly left me with feelings sadness in my failure and many coulda, woulda, shoulda thoughts.  Feels very weird to share as I know that it opens myself up to human judgment, but at the same time I do stand by the fact that there is beauty in being honest and transparent for I know that somehow just like Elijah of old, that I most certainly cannot be alone.  So here goes nothing or possibly something...
My first week at camp went very smoothly.  From the moment of landing and after getting over some feelings of culture shock, I truly felt at home.  Everyone was kind, welcoming, and helpful.  It took some getting used to teaching English within a camp atmosphere within a language barrier, but after a few classes prayers were answered to get accustomed to the task at hand.  My campers in my group were great.  My teaching partner was great and we worked well together.  There was unity in all the English department.  I loved sharing Biblical findings from my camp quiet time and praying for the camp, camp staff, and campers.  Children from my group gave smiles and hugs and excitement.  5 of my 9 campers came to Christ during invitation night.  One of them went forward to give testimony on testimony night and I heard her Hungarian speaking heart translated in full English for the first time.  WOW!  Before leaving on Saturday morning she came with a translator to speak to me after the final camp breakfast to thank me for teaching English and how my time in class with her changed her heart.  WOW!  What a powerful week one.  To God be the glory.
Where is the Elijah complex?  Week two is coming.  After a busy day of incredible sightseeing with an awesome missionary in Hungary and 2 fellow English instructors on Saturday, campers for week 2 were coming in on Sunday.  I awoke Sunday morning to prayer and nervousness.  I knew that the transition from week one to week two would be a big thing.  I prayed for unity for us as workers.  I prayed that I would fit and belong with the new crew coming in to work.  I prayed for the partner that I would paired with, even if I did not know who they were yet.  I opened my door to walk to church service and they were all right outside my door.  I introduced myself and walked with them to church.  I tried my best to make them feel welcome and help them with the translation headsets.  I left with a smile and reassurance that this week was going to be just as great. 
After testing our kids for English placement the program director explained to me that she needed to change my level placement from an upper beginner group that I taught the week before to an absolute beginner group.  I agreed to the change for I was told for a year that flexibility in this ministry was the key.  I was nervous in the change, but excited that I would get to meet my new campers the following day.  I had planning time with my partner teacher and it went great.  Lesson plans for the following day were completed quickly and I was excited to teach them.  At the end of the day, another teacher was added to our group and we were glad to have her.  I prayed that we would have an awesome first class, awesome week, and for His leadership as I went to bed Sunday night.  I also messaged two wonderful ladies back home to be in prayer that God would help us teach our group and help me to be flexible and welcoming with my new teaching team.
Monday came the three of us worked well together.  Our group had much younger children, but they were lovely and seemed to have fun.  I couldn't wait until Monday night when we taught the second lesson.  Between Monday morning and Monday afternoon, I hit the beginning of my Elijah complex.  I was approached by two people within hours with claims of being unfair and leaving one of my team mates out, but not by the team mate herself.  I did not say much except "I was trying", but after the second accusation, withdrew myself to the meeting room for about an hour to pray while in tears.  I prayed that I would see His truth.  I prayed to seek if this was true.  I felt attacked especially since the prayer of my heart and my actions I felt were not in accordance to what was being said.  God knew my heart.  God knew my actions.  God knew what I had been trying to do.  I just wanted to do a good job and I felt attacked and publicly in a room before our other teachers.  After praying and drying my tears I opened to our camp quiet time passage which was Philippians chapter 2 to have my heart reminded of how selfish my focus was becoming.  I was hurt and in some ways thinking more on me, less on others, less on God, and less on the mission that I was sent to camp for--reaching the campers for Christ.  I then prayed for God to forgive me and help me to get my focus on track.  I held my feeling in until later that night when I spoke of them to a friend.  While I should not have spoken to her, she did take time to pray with me and for me and provide some needed guidance and perspective.
I awoke Tuesday morning with God centered and others centered focus.  In prayer I was ready to go in the strength of Christ to teach our English class.  As I entered the room to get things ready, I was approached by my director with relating the same claims.  That made 3 people in less than 24 hours.  My emotions had all they could take for now I truly felt that all were against me and like Elijah I felt alone.  I am such an emotional person as well as a people pleaser.  These things can be good or they can be used negatively for my downfall as Christian young lady.  I still felt these things to be untrue and I had taken a solid look unto them.  I felt I was trying with all my strength and His.  As my emotions came out they came out in a way that showed confusion while being truthful, desperate, and in some ways lacked self control.  These emotional words included phrases such as "I can't do this anymore" and "I just want to go home."  I was not truly homesick.  I loved it there.  I just felt stuck and did not know what to do to help or change things.  I felt attacked and just wanted to be left alone.  I wanted others to know my heart.  I just wanted to do a good job.  Again, while I am only human, the center of all these statements is selfishly "I".  I had to teach class and class went so well, but after class we spoke more and prayed which helped.  However, my human heart was so confused.  I was so hurt. While I went forward to act in Christian love outwardly with his help to those around me, I was struggling with being forgiving in my heart.  Class Tuesday afternoon went great as well, but I was still struggling in my heart.  Invitation night was Tuesday night and I even lacked complete joy in seeing campers come to Christ because I was focused on my dilemma and feelings.  I walked that night around camp praying to God again my feelings as He knew them perfectly anyway about "not being able to do this anymore" "everyone being against me" "just wanting to leave" and "questioning why I was here at camp a second week".  If I had just left after one week, then I would have left Hungary happy and excited, but now this. I just was afraid that the rest of the week would go the way the last 24 hours had gone.
 I did ask for help and wisdom.  It lead me to finally do the one thing that was missing from all of us in this situation which is the Christian principle of speaking directly to each other and not about each other.  I was hurt because one person did not come directly to me, but to others who came to me.  However, I was just as guilty for not doing the same in return.  Finally after going to her, I found out that she was happy and things were okay.  Oh, the heartache that I could've saved if I would have done this earlier.  I did hold it all in between God and I for some time as I did not want to be guilty of this, but then gave in for my own human comfort.  After speaking with her, I did message two of my friends back home to be in prayer that unity could be restored for the cause of Christ and for my heart to come back to Christian love and God focus. 
In the end, the power of God in all of us was greater than anything the enemy threw our way.  The enemy wants nothing more than to kill the cause of Christ.  However, he did not win.  The week ended wonderfully and I left Hungary with happiness, excitement, as well as God focus restored and forgiveness from God for my failure for the asking.
However, from my second 8 hour plane ride home to the present, I really have been struggling.  Maybe not so much with the Elijah complex, but more from reflection of Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda.  Again this is a dangerous road to travel as the enemy wants nothing more but to attack me here.  I feel that Satan attacked us all, by attacking my greatest weakness out of all of us there.  I did not go to serve the enemy, but to serve the staff, the campers, and ultimately God.  I failed Him in my selfishness, losing the focus, and by fearing the people.  I failed Him in my attitudes that came from a hurt heart.  More than anything, I displeased His heart in stating words that I can't take back in wanting to quit when things got a little rocky.  Even though I have seriously confessed my human failure and all the attitudes that were present in my failure as well as my sinful words wanting to quit, I feel so completely down in my human failure.  I feel as if in one day and a half I ruined everything that I was supposed to do in honoring Him.  I feel as though I not only failed Him but the campers, staff, and those who have prayed for and supported me.  I am truly forgiven by a great and wonderful God from the moment I confessed.  I am praying for His strength to forget what is behind and press on to the things that are before.  God can use anything and everything, even our failure for His ultimate glory when placed in His mighty hands.  It is not about me for without Him I can do nothing.  Instead it is about His work in me and He is not finished with me yet.  He came that I might have life and have it abundantly.  Lord, have Your way in me and help me to the other side of this.  I truly do love You (x3).