Wow. It has been a long time since I have written on my blog post. Since summer really. There really has not been anything of great substance that God has laid on my heart until recently to write about. Today's blog post begs to be written and I pray that God gives me the grace, wisdom and words to speak the truth of my journey in a way that honors and glorifies the One Who gave me life.
Today I celebrate 34 years of life given to me by My Heavenly Father. He has placed me here on the earth for His purpose and His calling. He has given me life to praise and glorify Him with the very breath that He daily gives me. Granted some days and moments I do better at that than others in my earthly frame. The last month and half have been difficult for me as I have struggled with my health. I have had periods of losing vision, severe headaches, back pain, neck pain, blurred vision, inability to read, light headedness, weakness, and I feel that the list could continue. We are still in the process of trying to figure out the reason why for all of the above. I would be lying if I were to say that these things were not scary. However, I can truthfully say that I am at peace with the health situations knowing that God is in control.
It is at times like these as a Christian that many people begin to ask questions of you. To be honest, I have felt so sick at times that I have not always known if I have answered in the proper way. Such questions/comments as, "Where is your God now?" "Do you still believe in Him?" "You must have done something to make God angry." Why is your God not answering you?"
Since I was a kid one of my favorite Bible lessons has been that of little David fighting the giant Goliath. As I got older into adulthood, the part of Scripture that appealed to me the most, and I always teach to my little ones as a Bible teacher is I Samuel 17:26b where little David's reasoning for fighting the giant when no one else would was that Goliath should not be able to defy God. David stood for God so that Goliath's smash talk against God could stop and the honor of God could be held in the honor that it deserved. WOW!
I am a far cry from David and most people have been supportive of me. However, I have had questions as the above. I wish to take some short time to honor and stand for God in the midst of my Goliath right now.
Where is God? He has been here the whole time. His timing is perfect. He got me into appointments at earlier times with doctors that were closed to get into. He has provided friends, family, cards, messages, comfort, insurance coverage, and much more at times that were PERFECT.
You must have done something to make God angry. Every day I fail my great and wonderful God by sinning against Him. However, Christ my Savior died as a sacrifice for my sin once for all. He paid the punishment and the debt that I owe. He was buried and rose again. He lives forevermore. I am forgiven and loved in grace and mercy. While yes God as my Heavenly Father does discipline and correct me as His child and has many ways and forms to do so, this health condition is not a result of unconfessed sin in my life or a display of the anger of God toward me.
Instead God can use trial situations to help grow and teach the life of the believer new and interesting things to help make them more useful and stronger. This is an added plus. Things that can only be learned in the hard and difficult times. For instance. Here are some things that I have learned.
1) God is teaching me how to wear His Spirit of grace and kindness EVEN WHEN I AM IN PAIN TO OTHERS AROUND ME
2) God is teaching me that I need to give up control. I can't be all things to all people. I have had to say no to some things just to rest for me.
3) God is teaching me how to prioritize my ministry and extra activities
4) God is teaching me to appreciate His blessing in the small stuff that is really big stuff.
5) God is teaching me what it truly mean to trust Him for my DAILY bread. One day at a time.
Do I believe Him? Do I trust Him? Yes. It may not be the way I envisioned it. But it is the way He has planned it for me. He is in complete control. Even though I don't understand it all. I will praise Him and I will trust Him. Even though right now to praise Him in song hurts my physical head there is song within my heart of praise.
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