The Spiritual Battle Behind the Battle of the Bulge

I write this section of my blog with much fear, yes I said it fear.  Why?  Of all things to speak about among any audience, let alone women, weight is a very touchy subject.  Every man learns quickly not to ask a lady her weight.  Every lady knows that you only speak of your weight with a person you know, love, and trust--and even then it is difficult. 
For those of you reading, I am no stranger to the issue of weight.  When I speak of the issue of weight, I am not just talking about that 10 to 20 pounds that every person seems to want to lose.  The only picture of me being a "normal" size is that of when I was 4 years old in a beautiful sailor dress getting my picture taken at Sears.  My whole childhood I grew up overweight.  In the past 15 years my weight has been as low as 240 pounds and as high as 360 pounds.  I say this to try to bring reassurance, creditability, and a caring heart in the nature of this topic of which I am writing.
I have recently lost 42.5 pounds (from 325 pounds to 282.5 pounds since May 19th) which has been a major victory and celebration for me. I do give the praise and the glory to the Lord in this physical battle, for reasons you will discover as you read.  Many who have seen me and the change in a little less than 3 months have asked what I have been doing.  My normal answer goes to that of a lifestyle change in eating habits to a more all natural, gluten free, soy free, and diary free diet whenever possible.  However, there is a big part of the story that I often forget to mention.  After speaking with a friend this week about some of the things that I often leave out, I feel the need to state the whole story.  It is one that honors a God who is the ultimate Healer and Deliverer of whatever holds our hearts and lives captive.
In my previous blogs I have spoken about my turn back to the Lord from a lukewarm heart at best to one who is trying with His help to live daily in passion and continued spiritual growth in Him.  In doing so, God has done much to heal areas of sin in my life, hurt in my life, and regrets of my life.  He has used the good and bad of my life and actions to my good to make me more like His Son and to have opportunities unheard of to serve Him and others.   However, if there is one thing that I have learned in my spiritual transformation, it is that God will not enter a place where we have not invited Him to go.  He will use His Spirit to nudge and convict.  Then when we are willing to cry out that we need His guidance, His strength, and His forgiveness, He enters into that area of our lives and starts to make changes.  He loves it when we realize our weakness and need against His infinite, omnipotent supply.  This is where my spiritual transformation began to take wings and fly.  This is also where my physical transformation in weight began to do the same.
Around March of this past school year the physical struggles of my body were very evident as I could no longer go up and down my three story school building to get my students where they needed to go.  My feet and knees were three times swollen as to where they are now.  I was tired and had no energy to make it through the smallest of schedule days without crashing.  I felt miserable.  I did something that I had never done before for my physical state (except for minor sickness) which is call out to help from the Lord who I knew could do all things.  I asked Him to enter this struggle with me and all the feelings of hurt that I had endured from others in being teased and cast aside for my outward appearance.  If He could heal the spiritual part of me, could He not also heal the emotional and physical?  Little did I realize the journey ahead.
People have always in help tried to tell me not to worry about my weight because it was the inside that counted.  I love their thoughts and the truth that is behind them.  Just look at what God told Samuel in 1 Samuel 16:7 and what Peter told the ladies of the church in 1 Peter 3:3-4.  The true beauty of a woman comes not from outward adorning, but from the inside character of the heart, flowing outward for all to see Christ in her.  I want to be beautiful inwardly from the inside out.  I want to show Christ to others from the inside out.  That is the greatest desire of my heart.  But...How can I be a minister to Him if my health is slowly keeping me from being able at a fairly young age?
Slowly God showed me something unheard of for me.  I had to agree to one of the hardest sins that I had never in 32 years of life ever admitted to--that much of eating for me was not a way to stay nourished, but a way to fulfil and satisfy the lusts of the flesh.  That eating was much a form of idol worship of my heart and life.  That by running to food for comfort in times of emotion and stress instead of or alongside of Him was not a way to honor and glorify Him, but quite the contrary.  Believe me that was a hard place for me to come to.  However, God knew that if I ever was going to make progress that this step had to be one that needed to be taken.  God had to work from the inside of me outward.  So yes!  Much of the battle of the bulge was a spiritual battle as well for me.
Once I was able to admit my sin in this area of my life, God knew I was ready for some answers of how to get started.  My body as a Christian is His temple (1 Corinthians 3:16, 17 and 1 Corinthians 6:19-20).  It is important what I feed it, what goes in it, and how I treat it.  God then lead me to the information and program that I am working with now.  It is one that is healthier and I believe that it is one that follows Biblical principals.  Why did He not give me this information earlier?  Personally, I was not ready.  My heart needed work.
I know that I have a long way to go.  I know personally that I could probably exercise more.  I may not lose any more weight.  I know I will never be a size 2.  My desire is just to be healthy and treat His temple well. My desire is for food not to come before Him.  I have a new perspective for who I am and what it means to put Him first.  I say this not to get others to change or to say that what I am doing as a plan is right and the best.  I just praise Him for working through my heart and providing answers as well a will power for me to be better spiritually and phyiscally in this area.  It all started with the concept of Jeremiah 33:3.  I called into Him and He answered my plea.  :-)